Airline Announcements:
1. United Flight Attendant announced, “People, people we’re not picking out furniture here, find a seat and get in it!”
2. On landing, the FLIGHT ATTENDANT said, “Please be sure to take all of your belongings. If you’re going to leave anything, please make sure it’s something we’d like to have.”
3. “There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways to get out of this airplane.”
4. As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Ronald Reagan, a lone voice came over the loudspeaker: “Whoa, big fella, WHOA!”
5. Another flight attendant’s comment on a less than perfect landing: “We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangroo bounces us to the terminal.”
6. “Your seat cushions can be used for floation; and, in the event of an emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take them with our compliments.”
7. “As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses…expect for that gentleman over there.”
8. Heard on a Southwest Airline flight – “Ladies and gentlemen, if you wish to smoke, the smoking section on this airplane is on the wing and if you can light’em you can smoke’em.
